At the end of my first full week back and woah. I don't think I've ever been this busy in my life! It's good though to bury myself back into work and friends. It's an amazing feeling. On a side note, I'm finally 20! Yes I am no longer a teen :(
Throughout these two decades I have seen and learned a lot. I've known deceit, heartbreak, anger, tragedy, sadness, anxiety, and fear to their full extent. Hell I can say life has kicked the shit out of me (with some platanos to boot). I feel like a lot of people in my position would curse life and everything it stands for. I appreciate it a lot more. I appreciate a lot of the moments I have with friends and family. The seemingly giggles over stupid jokes, the nights of extreme belligerence, the nights of just sipping a glass of wine and just talking. In a city like New York it's easy to lose yourself. It's easy to think you're different than anyone and therefore you're better. It's easy to lose the ground you've known for your whole life. I'm at a place where I know who I am. I don't let people influence me like they used to. I'm extremely content with my life at this moment in time.
Although I'm content, I'm not 100% happy. There's something missing from the jigsaw puzzle I am. I don't know if that piece will ever be found but here's hoping it is one day. Finally, I know a lot of people will slap me for this, but I can't help but still wonder about him. I have not had closure and it is hard to get fully over something without it in my case.
With that I'm off to bed. Work at 12pm tomorrow but here's a bit of music. It's some lyrics by Nelly Furtado. It's in spanish so get a dictionary for the slower readers. :D night loves!
Tantos besos pérdidos y maltratados,
sin ninguna explicacien, que pudo ser mejor,
Tantas veces juramos enamorados sería eterno nuestro amor
Que gran desilucion..
Throughout these two decades I have seen and learned a lot. I've known deceit, heartbreak, anger, tragedy, sadness, anxiety, and fear to their full extent. Hell I can say life has kicked the shit out of me (with some platanos to boot). I feel like a lot of people in my position would curse life and everything it stands for. I appreciate it a lot more. I appreciate a lot of the moments I have with friends and family. The seemingly giggles over stupid jokes, the nights of extreme belligerence, the nights of just sipping a glass of wine and just talking. In a city like New York it's easy to lose yourself. It's easy to think you're different than anyone and therefore you're better. It's easy to lose the ground you've known for your whole life. I'm at a place where I know who I am. I don't let people influence me like they used to. I'm extremely content with my life at this moment in time.
Although I'm content, I'm not 100% happy. There's something missing from the jigsaw puzzle I am. I don't know if that piece will ever be found but here's hoping it is one day. Finally, I know a lot of people will slap me for this, but I can't help but still wonder about him. I have not had closure and it is hard to get fully over something without it in my case.
With that I'm off to bed. Work at 12pm tomorrow but here's a bit of music. It's some lyrics by Nelly Furtado. It's in spanish so get a dictionary for the slower readers. :D night loves!
Tantos besos pérdidos y maltratados,
sin ninguna explicacien, que pudo ser mejor,
Tantas veces juramos enamorados sería eterno nuestro amor
Que gran desilucion..
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