I've been thinking intently for the past couple of hours. There comes a point in life where the world seems to differentiate. The things that made you happy before, just don't seem to fulfill you as much as they used to. Living in the huge metropolis of New York, it's easy to get consumed by the city itself. It's easy to lose who you are and what you stand for. It's easy to conform who you are in order to fit in with the seemingly forward crowd.
As I sit in the middle of the East Village listening to revelry beginning on St. Mark's I begin to realize the change I've undergone.
As a college student you're invincible. I mean with the array of sweets in the underground candy shop how could you not. Tired? Have some coke. Unfocused? Try some Aderal. Depressed? Here's the vodka. In our altered state of minds anything is possible. Anything is possible until you're savagely attacked back to reality.
I take this summer as a blessing. Before it, all I really cared about was having a good time. I blacked out so much and frankly did not care about what I was doing. Why should I? I'm 19. That's how life should be. I was the indestructible one. I was Superman. Not only was I Superman but I also turned into a villain. I butted heads with people, I said regrettable things, and I just made all around bad decisions. I ultimately ended up becoming a part of the scene. I ended up conforming myself in order to fit in. The values I held so dearly started to get lost in a haze of hangovers.
I find myself wanting more. I find myself wanting to start the foundations of my career. I find myself wanting to have more than just hookups. I don't want to be another face in a rather synonymous crowd. I don't want to be a part of the illusion. I don't want to be a casualty of this social arms race.
The only thing I want to aim for is reality. All I want to know is concrete and tangible. Cause at the end of drunken nights and coke binges it's all that matters.
The good news? I'm already on the path.
xoxo
P.S. - new music coming on Sunday
As I sit in the middle of the East Village listening to revelry beginning on St. Mark's I begin to realize the change I've undergone.
As a college student you're invincible. I mean with the array of sweets in the underground candy shop how could you not. Tired? Have some coke. Unfocused? Try some Aderal. Depressed? Here's the vodka. In our altered state of minds anything is possible. Anything is possible until you're savagely attacked back to reality.
I take this summer as a blessing. Before it, all I really cared about was having a good time. I blacked out so much and frankly did not care about what I was doing. Why should I? I'm 19. That's how life should be. I was the indestructible one. I was Superman. Not only was I Superman but I also turned into a villain. I butted heads with people, I said regrettable things, and I just made all around bad decisions. I ultimately ended up becoming a part of the scene. I ended up conforming myself in order to fit in. The values I held so dearly started to get lost in a haze of hangovers.
I find myself wanting more. I find myself wanting to start the foundations of my career. I find myself wanting to have more than just hookups. I don't want to be another face in a rather synonymous crowd. I don't want to be a part of the illusion. I don't want to be a casualty of this social arms race.
The only thing I want to aim for is reality. All I want to know is concrete and tangible. Cause at the end of drunken nights and coke binges it's all that matters.
The good news? I'm already on the path.
xoxo
P.S. - new music coming on Sunday
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