I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her
I'm right over here! Why can't you see me?!
I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home
I keep dancing on my own
Who can say they haven't felt like this?! You know what I mean. You go into a club, eye someone, and plan your move. The next thing you know that person has found someone else! Then there you are, on the dancefloor, looking back at what could have been. Now let's not get ahead of ourselves. It's not like marriage can arise from this scenario. Yet, you lose that excitement for a sort of satisfaction. The song is by the ever-amazing Swedish songtress Robyn. (check out the video below)
See I'm having an issue at the moment. I think I have a forbidden crush. So forbidden I can't even describe it in much detail on here for the cozy audience. It's a crush that I hoped would've died while I was abroad. It was a crush that insisted on growing while I was abroad. It's a pesky crush. It's mischievous. It's stubborn. I feel like I need to just shake it off, but I can't. It won't. See here's the reason why. Unlike 98% of my other crushes, boyfriends, and flings which were born out of lust, this one has not. To tell the truth I did not notice him until the first time I sat and spoke to him. Something was captivating about that first talk. Something grabbed onto me.
I didn't want the conversation to end. I wanted to keep going, bringing up new subjects. Hell, it could've been the perfect first date.
I always find myself not wanting to stop talking or stop hanging out with him. In all actuality if it weren't for the "forbidden" aspect I probably would've made a move. Now I've come back from abroad. I've come with the hope that somehow it is defused. Yet of course when I saw him again, it felt exactly like when I left it. He also got a lot cuter. Not that he wasn't before, don't get me wrong, but it's kind of crazy what new clothes and haircut does to someone. All of these elements combined have created the oh-so-familiar volatile mix that I know too well. Several questions arise. Should I even pursue it? I don't want to ruin what I already have with the person in discussion. I don't want to chance someone else leaving my life. If I do pursue will he even kind of feel the same way? There are just so many questions.
I don't really understand why I'm posting this on here. I feel like it's a bit of cautious subject to talk about with my friends. We hang with the same friends and opening up "Pandora's Box" could cause a lot of unnecessary drama. We all know that only belongs on Bravo with the Housewives. Not to mention I'm not too sure who I can talk to about personal issues. I don't really have a certain "go-to" person anymore. It's times like this that I am nostalgic for the past a bit. Before fear and anxiety became the stem of issues and solutions. When the impossible still had a sense of tangibility. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the hopeless romantic. In fact, I am quite hopeful.
xoxo
I'm right over here! Why can't you see me?!
I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home
I keep dancing on my own
Who can say they haven't felt like this?! You know what I mean. You go into a club, eye someone, and plan your move. The next thing you know that person has found someone else! Then there you are, on the dancefloor, looking back at what could have been. Now let's not get ahead of ourselves. It's not like marriage can arise from this scenario. Yet, you lose that excitement for a sort of satisfaction. The song is by the ever-amazing Swedish songtress Robyn. (check out the video below)
Emotion is a personal...issue of mine let's just say. I feel too much or too little of it. This is ESPECIALLY true when it comes to relationships. Ever since my first itty-bitty puppy love in my younger teenage years to the flings I've had as a young adult, I've commit my fair share of offenses. I've cared too much for someone who didn't care so much for me. I've neglected several who just seemed a little too into me. I've also tried to put together a thing/fling/love binge that was doomed from the start. I've played all those cards. Having gone through all of these varied yet, I will admit, novice experiences I get confused when that pesky crush comes up.
See I'm having an issue at the moment. I think I have a forbidden crush. So forbidden I can't even describe it in much detail on here for the cozy audience. It's a crush that I hoped would've died while I was abroad. It was a crush that insisted on growing while I was abroad. It's a pesky crush. It's mischievous. It's stubborn. I feel like I need to just shake it off, but I can't. It won't. See here's the reason why. Unlike 98% of my other crushes, boyfriends, and flings which were born out of lust, this one has not. To tell the truth I did not notice him until the first time I sat and spoke to him. Something was captivating about that first talk. Something grabbed onto me.
I didn't want the conversation to end. I wanted to keep going, bringing up new subjects. Hell, it could've been the perfect first date.
I always find myself not wanting to stop talking or stop hanging out with him. In all actuality if it weren't for the "forbidden" aspect I probably would've made a move. Now I've come back from abroad. I've come with the hope that somehow it is defused. Yet of course when I saw him again, it felt exactly like when I left it. He also got a lot cuter. Not that he wasn't before, don't get me wrong, but it's kind of crazy what new clothes and haircut does to someone. All of these elements combined have created the oh-so-familiar volatile mix that I know too well. Several questions arise. Should I even pursue it? I don't want to ruin what I already have with the person in discussion. I don't want to chance someone else leaving my life. If I do pursue will he even kind of feel the same way? There are just so many questions.
I don't really understand why I'm posting this on here. I feel like it's a bit of cautious subject to talk about with my friends. We hang with the same friends and opening up "Pandora's Box" could cause a lot of unnecessary drama. We all know that only belongs on Bravo with the Housewives. Not to mention I'm not too sure who I can talk to about personal issues. I don't really have a certain "go-to" person anymore. It's times like this that I am nostalgic for the past a bit. Before fear and anxiety became the stem of issues and solutions. When the impossible still had a sense of tangibility. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the hopeless romantic. In fact, I am quite hopeful.
xoxo
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