confusion boy

hi chickens and welcome to another installment of a beautiful mess. today i woke up to yet another dark day only to realize that the curtain on my window is extremely thick and blocks out any sunlight at all. so i need to tell mom to change that ASAP. i also woke up being mesmerized by frankmusik's new edit of "confusion girl". granted it was only 30 secs and extremely low quality but it's amazing! god i love him, he needs to cross the pond sometime soon. also did anyone catch "glee" last night? it was so good. what was even better were the songs! omg i've had "dont stop believing" and "rehab" on repeat since last night! THEY'RE SO GOOD! The show looks really promising also. Does anyone else also not give shit about American Idol?! I frankly do not care if someone in the top 2 was gay, and I don't care if he lost. It's not some secret vendetta against homos, people just liked the other guy better. get over it.

today is also another fail on my part with working out. i've been doing push-ups and over 100 crunches everyday but nothing beats the gym. i need to go to one soon. like now. so hopefully dad will pay for a month and i can get that out of the way. i mean it's gold's gym, it wont be that expensive. it also is like down the road. i need to stop being lazy also. i cannot be lazy, it doesn't work for me. i need to be DOING something you know? i had a random thought enter my head today, or more like random thoughts, but we'll narrow it down. men.

what's up with them? why do we put so much of our happiness on men? why can't we just be strong and independent and just get a man when the time is right? i'll tell you why. we want to feel loved or liked. i mean come on think about it. how long did we go through our lives feeling repressed and unloved? how long did we go about questioning the world around us and their acceptance with us? i mean all of this contributed with whatever experience a single person had, i believe, contributes to how much we have that need to be with someone. also it's nice. i mean hell who wouldn't want to have someone you could call and just talk to about everything (without annoying them i mean i know our friends love us but...). Who wouldn't want someone to wake up to every morning? Who wouldn't want to care about someone as much they do themselves? again really random thought but really i don't think it should be so looked down upon, the want to be with someone. i don't think one should feel guilty if they wanted to be with someone. it isn't something sinful to feel something that is simply natural. i think it's perfectly healthy to feel and want something that we all deserve. now the judging goes into psychotic means of obtaining this (no no no).

final note: i need some liquor, and some boys (to go out and party with). PA you're not steeping up to the plate. disappointed. anyways let me leave with some pics of men which i find beautiful but not in the way you'd think. until next time ciao

xoxo

P.S.: for the past couple of days i've been feeling like i didn't take the right path in my life, career wise, i guess i'll rant on that in my next blog post.