A Beautiful Mess

Dancing On My Own

2010-05-28T22:31:00.000-07:00

I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her
I'm right over here! Why can't you see me?!
I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home
I keep dancing on my own

Who can say they haven't felt like this?! You know what I mean. You go into a club, eye someone, and plan your move. The next thing you know that person has found someone else! Then there you are, on the dancefloor, looking back at what could have been. Now let's not get ahead of ourselves. It's not like marriage can arise from this scenario. Yet, you lose that excitement for a sort of satisfaction. The song is by the ever-amazing Swedish songtress Robyn. (check out the video below)

Emotion is a personal...issue of mine let's just say. I feel too much or too little of it. This is ESPECIALLY true when it comes to relationships. Ever since my first itty-bitty puppy love in my younger teenage years to the flings I've had as a young adult, I've commit my fair share of offenses. I've cared too much for someone who didn't care so much for me. I've neglected several who just seemed a little too into me. I've also tried to put together a thing/fling/love binge that was doomed from the start. I've played all those cards. Having gone through all of these varied yet, I will admit, novice experiences I get confused when that pesky crush comes up.

See I'm having an issue at the moment. I think I have a forbidden crush. So forbidden I can't even describe it in much detail on here for the cozy audience. It's a crush that I hoped would've died while I was abroad. It was a crush that insisted on growing while I was abroad. It's a pesky crush. It's mischievous. It's stubborn. I feel like I need to just shake it off, but I can't. It won't. See here's the reason why. Unlike 98% of my other crushes, boyfriends, and flings which were born out of lust, this one has not. To tell the truth I did not notice him until the first time I sat and spoke to him. Something was captivating about that first talk. Something grabbed onto me.
I didn't want the conversation to end. I wanted to keep going, bringing up new subjects. Hell, it could've been the perfect first date.

I always find myself not wanting to stop talking or stop hanging out with him. In all actuality if it weren't for the "forbidden" aspect I probably would've made a move. Now I've come back from abroad. I've come with the hope that somehow it is defused. Yet of course when I saw him again, it felt exactly like when I left it. He also got a lot cuter. Not that he wasn't before, don't get me wrong, but it's kind of crazy what new clothes and haircut does to someone. All of these elements combined have created the oh-so-familiar volatile mix that I know too well. Several questions arise. Should I even pursue it? I don't want to ruin what I already have with the person in discussion. I don't want to chance someone else leaving my life. If I do pursue will he even kind of feel the same way? There are just so many questions.

I don't really understand why I'm posting this on here. I feel like it's a bit of cautious subject to talk about with my friends. We hang with the same friends and opening up "Pandora's Box" could cause a lot of unnecessary drama. We all know that only belongs on Bravo with the Housewives. Not to mention I'm not too sure who I can talk to about personal issues. I don't really have a certain "go-to" person anymore. It's times like this that I am nostalgic for the past a bit. Before fear and anxiety became the stem of issues and solutions. When the impossible still had a sense of tangibility. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the hopeless romantic. In fact, I am quite hopeful.

xoxo

Summer Time

2010-05-21T14:17:00.000-07:00

Alright I guess it's time to blog again. First off I had an AMAZING FABULOUS OUTSTANDING MARVELOUS time abroad. I honestly recommend that anyone who is still in school to do a semester abroad. It's one of the most rewarding experiences ever. You get to meet new people and just have the time of your life! I am absolutely happy I went abroad, even though I missed a lot of amazing high points my frat hit this semester. I am ready to get back into the groove of New York this Summer and next year. So let's talk about the tail end of my semester.

First off, I went to MADRID!
It was my favorite city! Spanish everywhere, bright architecture, and an amazing nightlife! God I cannot wait to go back to Europe.

In London I made an amazing group of new friends that I will definitely keep in touch with towards my last year at NYU. LAST YEAR! Time flies! Within the time frame I've started my blog a lot has changed. I've found out stuff about myself that I really did not know, and being abroad has helped me establish who I am even more. It's sort of a cushion to have a better idea of who you are. It feels really good to know what you want and what you don't, what irks you and what excites you. It makes living SO much easier. You also notice a lot of the flaws you have than one needs to fix. You also notice a lot of the flaws OTHER people have. All of these lessons have been valuable and are part of the path we call life.

Aside from that serious bit, abroad was a BLAST. Went out so much, danced so much, drank so much, and LIVED so much. I had the best time of my life and it was complete foreshadowing to what my life is going to be after Sept. 1st (21 yay!). Unfortunately no abroad lover, but it's me. This is not to be expected haha.

This summer I will be in New York interning and working and living. A lot of my really good friends will be in the city and I could not be anymore excited! There's so much going on in my life it's so exciting yet scary. With the moving forward comes risks and fears. Risks and fears that at times overtakes me. I need to learn how to calm myself down, it would help A LOT. A progress it is.

As I wait for this blowout summer to get going I'll be stationed in PA watching endless Real Housewives and "relaxing". It sounds good, but that feeling will ultimately wear off. Just not as quick as the novelty from all the reality TV drama.

god shed his grace on thee

2010-05-16T15:37:00.000-07:00

I'm back from my whirlwind semester abroad.
Tired as hell.
Extremely happy to be back.
Also extremely out of it.
It was an extreamely good semester.
London, Paris, Madrid.
I'll put up a better update when I'm not a zombie.
:D

XXXO (xxxo)

Spring Break

2010-04-08T16:49:00.000-07:00

So I'm in my final stages of Spring Break at the moment. I'm trying to piece together my lazy and rather scattered brain in order to hurdle through the final month of my semester in London.

TIME FLIES!

It feels like it was yesterday I was at JFK anxiously awaiting to board the flight to London back in January. Now I'm anxiously waiting to see what the final month has in store. In terms of my travels I got to visit on the cities I've been wanting to visit for a LONG TIME! PARIS!
Can I just say I feel in love?! Although I did a lot of the tourist sites I just loved the city. The way it looked, the people, the food, oh the FOOD! I seriously need to go back and just roam the neighborhoods. I can honestly see myself (sprucing up my french) and moving to France for a couple of months or years. Ugh! It's such an amazing city. Don't worry I brought back some pictures for everyone to enjoy!The sights were breathtaking and so were the boys ;).

Aside from currently trying to get in the mind frame of work I am also planning my future. College is officially over in about a year and then it's loan bills and such! I'm looking into graduate programs for arts administration. I think I can do more school, as long as it is interesting. Who knows I might go rogue and just work and do random things. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I just decided to open a cupcake shop in the middle of Paris. I mean would life suck as bad?

An idea I have been toying with is living abroad for a while. I love being abroad, although I miss my family and friends VERY much. It's a good experience. While I freely roamed the streets of Paris all I could think about was how I could plop down in the city and be one of the locals the tourists long to be. I wanted to be the suave and rather well-dressed man sipping on some coffee (preferably a mojito) at the cafe, people watching on breezy April day.

I think I have a lot of ambition. I want to accomplish so much in my life. Sometimes I wonder if it is too much. Then again, I don't think there's such a thing as too much. If we did not have enough to look forward to in life, well that would just make life stale. Don't you think?

Massive Update

2010-03-10T07:58:00.000-08:00

I did not realize I neglected this space for so long, so sorry. I guess life is moving as quickly here as it does for me in New York, even if I don't have so many extracurricular activities or I don't work. Anyways I've just finished writing out what I need to memorize for my marketing presentation on Monday, and I need a break. I've been so frustrated and tired it's taking a bit of a toll on me. The annoying this is that Spring Break is not for another, oh, 2-3 weeks? I'm really excited and bummed about Spring Break also.

Why bummed? Well let's start off with NYU fucking up my finances and thus fucking up my plans in general, if they are not fixed within the next week or two. They always seems to find ways to mess around with me, even when you think the cost is clear.

Why excited? Well I'll be in London that weekend, most probably, and I'll be having an alcoholic night or two with the always lovely Dave Tester. Secondly, I'm heading to a city I've longed to go to since I've watched Lady & the Tramp and have become more and more engrossed by art and fashion.

Paris!

I'm so excited and so is my sister. She's not coming along but she'll be living vicariously through me when I'm there for the week. I plan on doing a lot of the tourist stuff. Walking down le rue Champs-Elysees, taking pictures by the Tour Eiffel, going to the Louvre to see some exquisite art, and being a new-age Quasimodo at the top of the Notre Dame towers and posing with various gargoyles. I also plan on doing some out-of-the-ordinary things in Paris. I think it's a goal of mine to find the LES of every city in Europe along with the goal of hooking up with a guy from every city, but let's keep that on the downlow.

My other planned city was Florence so with my fingers crossed I can finally go to Italia and see the Duomo, Cathedral and of course the gay pilgrimage that is Michealangelo's David. Oh and I get to see my VERY good friends who are studying there right now. I mean look at this:

I'm also looking to go to Madrid on May Day Weekend just because it's Bank Holiday and all. I want to be able to use my own language at some point while I'm in Europe YA KNOW?!

In terms of my life here in London it's been very busy. I feel like I've been in my room more than I've been outside in this grand city and it makes me sad. School work is annoying. It hinders the study abroad experience. I do take pride in the fact that I've been to a lot of places within the city. Some people have stuck to being here in this 5mi radius from our dorm. As if. I want to see and experience this city. Feel me?

This semester has also been very, drunk. I miss the simplicity of a coke and rum (or 4) to enjoy my night. Also, Ellie Goulding's debut was released. Can I say a superb piece of electrofolk? She debuted at #1 and I give the album an A-. I recommend you guys check it out. It is phenomenal. That's all I really have to say at this juncture. Ill try and be more up to date with this.

P.S. - anyone looking for a roommate? and omg i have to do these internship stuff STAT

till next time

xoxo

Maybe, just maybe

2010-01-30T04:26:00.000-08:00

Sorry I've neglected the space so much, it's been a busy two weeks! I can't believe I've only been living in this magnificent European city for almost three weeks now. Admist the jet lag, the 3hr classes, and the early pub crawling, I can safely say I've adjusted. One of the hardest caveats to get over within the first couple of weeks was dealing with the fact that my extended NYU family will not be present this semester. I have to admit, I've had ok nights out here in London. A good pub here, throw back a couple of ciders, maybe throw in a smidge of hard liquor. All nice good fun, but for some reason I just did not feel satisfied. There was so much more I had to explore, and finally I did. Last night I finally hit up the gay scene in London and my how in love have I fallen. I danced the night away to my J.Lo, Gaga, and of course Britney.

One of the best things about me being abroad is the fact that I am able to re-invent myself in ways. In New York everyone already has a certain image or expectation of me when we go out. I'm not complaining or saying it's a bad thing but sometimes it's better to experience "another life". I always love going out clubbing with friend but never have the balls to be THAT guy. The one that is clearly having a good time, the guy who engages the crowd, the one that has the portion of the club looking back at him every 2mins, the guy who is the center of attention. I've never really owned up to that specific role. Last night I was able to and it just made me realize how much more credit I should give myself. It was some of the most fun I've had here, correction, the most fun I've had here and I achieved it on my own (with the help of a couple of friends). Due to recent events I've always been kind of reluctant to be excited and proud to be gay. I may have an unhealthy amount of Britney songs and know pop culture inside out, but I'm not walking down the street throwing glitter at people, singing showtunes with a rainbow exploding out of my ass. Some of the actions my friends took just turned me off. The gay world in New York can get ugly and I did not want to be a part of that. Somehow in London it feels more embracing than in the city. Maybe I feel that way cause I am literally throwing all my inhibitions out the door while I'm in London. Anyways, I can't wait to hit the gay scene in London again. (Probably this upcoming week) I'll make it another event I'm sure.

Aside from my first London gay club experience I have also experienced a couple of concerts. This week alone I've seen a couple of acts: Delphic, The Drums, and Ellie Goulding. The Drums were so much fun and I can't wait to hear their first full-length album. You guys must check them out, their music is so refreshing and relaxing. Makes me want to go into a John Hughes film and dance during the awkward school dances. Delphic put on an amazing visual show and those synths were ridiculous. Then we get to Ellie. I've been raving about Ellie's music on here, but is she good live as well? I'm here to report she absolutely is. Her voice is spectacular and her shows are very entertaining. I can't wait for her to blow up she's had my heart for quite some time, it's she stole a couple more.

That's about it on this end. I'll be posting more pictures on my flickr account and such, so stay tuned. Next week, I'll be in Manchester from Friday-Sunday visiting the ever amazing Dave Tester for a weekend to remember I'm sure.

Till next time

xoxo

Definition of Tired: Redefined

2010-01-13T12:22:00.000-08:00

So I've finally touched down in LDN! Now that flight was not the best. Not only did I get no sleep on the plane BUT upon our arrival into London were were delayed. We circled around the airport for about an hour and then were taxing for a good 30mins before they decided to just park the plane and have buses come and takes us to the terminal. That alone took a while. The reason for all this? An inch of snow. AN INCH! AS IF! One of the LDN airports CLOSED! Anyways, I got to my dorm and settled in and met the new roomie for a semester. The rooms are small but they are very well kept and I commend the London crew on a job well-done. I'll upload pictures as soon as I'm not a walking dead man. Seriously, I'm so fucking tired. The small adventure today included a trip around King's Cross with my two girls Jee and Maggie. We ended up in the St. Pancras station and talked a to couple of cheerful and dowdy British figures in order to get the essentials: phone, adapter, and FOOD. I still need to get used to this whole pound thing. Anyways I'm beat and will probably drift off to sleep in an hour or two so until lataz!

xoxo

jitters

2010-01-11T20:59:00.000-08:00

So if you're reading this you probably haven't been to my personal blog (only a select few know about it). Since I'm heading to London tomorrow I think it's appropriate to open it up to everyone. For the next 5/6 months this will be my journal of sorts. Expect an entry, almost daily, if not weekly. At this moment in time I'm very excited yet very nervous. I always get this knot in my stomach and a stress headache before every major event takes place in my life. The good news is that it generally signals the start of something amazing. Tomorrow I have to make sure I've packed the essentials (and slip in a could of my essential DVDs) then head to the city in the afternoon. I'm going to miss a lot of my friends, fraternity brothers, family, and of course my crackberry. On a side note though, I'm really excited to see what lies ahead. Here's to safe travels and a great start to the Spring semester. Cheers!

P.S. - Dear British Pound, lighten up a bit. Thanks.

xoxo

Ahead of the Curve: The Sounds of 2010

2009-12-31T12:31:00.000-08:00

With 2009 leaving us in just a couple of hours, it's time to look towards the future. Now, the 2000's brought us a huge mix bag in terms of music: teen pop, rap, hip-hop, indie pop, pop with a touch of the '80s, pop with a touch of rave, M.I.A., Lady GaGa, and of course Britney Spears. Now with a new decade ahead of us, we have another 10 years of music to look forward to. A lot of new music from old favorites and a lot of debuts. So in that vein I'm going to present to you guys some people who will be making a huge roar in music next year. Some will be huge mainstream and some will be huge critically. As the pop connoisseur that I am, this is mainly pertaining to pop artists. So without further ado, here's Eddie's Sounds of 2010:

Marina & the Diamonds

Now if you read Perez Hilton's blog (shame on you) then you probably know about this fine lady right here. This Greek beauty from Wales packs quite a punch with her savvy-written ballads and up-tempo songs. Sometimes she utilizes a plain keyboard and other time she employs an arsenal of golden pop weaponry (synths, drum machines, the works). Up until now she's released a single EP ("The Crown Jewels EP") which I must say is a good indication of her sound. She recently released her first single off of her debut album ("The Family Jewels") entitled "Hollywood". To be honest I was mildly interested in her because I liked her previous singles "Obsessions" and "I'm Not A Robot", but "Hollywood" has gotten me very excited. The chorus is infectious and she looks absolutely lovely in the video. I'm excited to listen to her debut and see what else she has up her sleeves.
Check out the video for "Hollywood".

Ke$ha

Unless you live under a rock, you've probably heard her debut single "TiK ToK" (in it's second week in the #1 spot on the Hot 100). When it comes to new mainstream pop acts, Ke$ha should be one to watch. She's at the point where she can either be a one-hit wonder or have a more legitimate career. I will confess I'm not too crazy about her image (the drunken slut who pees in sinks) but her music is ace. I have also gotten a chance to hear the debut album, and what a debut it is! It is full of surprises and if you enjoy pop with a touch of electronica as much as I do then I think you'll thoroughly enjoy it as well. I'll leave you with her current smash "TiK ToK" (I'm sure you lot will be dancing to this tonight).

The Sound of Arrows
This duo is a personal favorite of mine. They are mainly under the radar but I expect them to do big things, at least in the indie pop world (yes there is such a thing). They have only released two singles, two utterly ORGASMIC singles. If you have a thing for MGMT you might like this duo. The icing on the cake? They're also graphic designers. So not only do they make their make own but they also make their own covers and music videos. Like this gorgeous video for their fantastical song "Into the Clouds".

The Sound of Arrows - Into the Clouds (Music video) from The Sound of Arrows on Vimeo.

Ellie Goulding

This is my gem of 2010 right here. I've posted about Ellie on this blog a while ago but she's looking to be a hit next year. Since my last post she's released her first proper EP ("Under the Sheets"), made BBC's list of top acts to watch for next year (The Sounds of 2010), and has won the Critic's Choice Award for the Brit Awards. Her debut album is expected to be released in the next couple of months (1st quarter to be exact). I absolutely love this girl. She writes extremely clever lyrics, and successfully infuses acoustic music with electronica. She has coined her music as "electro-acoustic" and I could not agree more. She is also working with Frankmusik's buddy Starsmith on the album and it's sure to be quite the treat. Here's her video for "Under the Sheets".

Ellie Goulding, "Under The Sheets" from Neon Gold Records on Vimeo.

Another treat, here's my Producers list for 2010:
Diplo
Now Diplo is a pretty well-known producer. He's produced records for M.I.A., Santigold, Amanda Blank, and just released an album with DJ friend Switch last year (Major Lazer - one of my fave albums of the past year). Diplo is going to hit it BIG in 2010! He's on board to produce a lot of bigger records and is on a lot of A&R's radars when it comes to their established artists. He's already recorded with Robyn on her new album and who knows who else he has up his sleeve. I absolutely adore his production styles and I can't wait to see what the new year has in store for him.

Starsmith
I feel the same way about Starsmith as I feel about Frankmusik (well almost). Both of them are sort of buddies, with Starsmith naming Frankmusik one of his big influences in his style of remixing and his sound in general. He is the main collaborator on Ellie Goulding's debut album (they actually call themselves Goldsmith). He has also produced a lot of my favorite mixes of the year, such as the "I Am A Robot" remix. He recently tweeted that he is working on his first album and I'm very excited to hear it.

Finally my list of anticipated albums of the new year:

Marina & the Diamonds - The Family Jewels
Ke$ha - Animal
Ellie Goulding - TBA (not the title)
Frankmusik - Follow the Leader
His debut album ranks as one of the best debuts of the decade for me. His follow-up should be as equally amazing, if not more. The clip of the new song on YouTube is enough to convince me.
Nelly Furtado - TBA
Her Spanish album made my Top 10 of '09 album list and her english one will for sure be included in my 2010 list. She's teamed up with Timbaland and Ryan Tedder, to name a few. It's due out in May and I can't wait to jam to it. Although I do hope it goes more in the direction of her older work.
Christina Aguilera - TBA
I'm very interested in Christina's new album. She went completely crazy and went out and got Sia, M.I.A., Santigold, DJ Switch, and more to work on the new album. It should be interesting. She's tried electro and I didn't really like it.
Lady GaGa - TBA
Lady GaGa is expected to release her 3rd studio album next year and I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited for it.
Madonna - TBA
It's the Queen of Pop, come on.
Robyn - TBA
This spunky Swede has a hold on my heart and with Diplo on board, how could it go wrong?
Dangerous Muse - TBA
Dangerous Muse's debut album is FINALLY expected to drop next year. It is a highly anticipated debut, and with some tracks by B&A I have a feeling I'll be spinning it for a while.
Major Lazer - TBA
I'm ready for some more Dancehall-electro-rave music from Switch & Diplo
M.I.A. - TBA
It's been far too long since we've had M.I.A. grace our earbuds, so it's about damn time!
Kylie Minogue - TBA
This pop goddess always makes my heart a flutter. Kylie will be releasing her 11th studio album next year and promises to make it an seductive pop affair.
and last but definitely not least
Britney Spears - TBA
The Princess of Pop is coming back with her 7th studio album and I couldn't be any happier! She's going to bring it like no other, plus some of the rumoured producers are making me giddy.

There you have it guys! My "Sounds of 2010" list. Hope you enjoy it and check out the recommendations. ;)
Till next year!
xoxo

What Lies Ahead

2009-12-31T12:29:00.000-08:00

So 2009, is coming to an end and I have mixed feelings about it. In 2009, I was able to see my favorite artist, Britney Spears, in concert TWICE. I was also able to make new friends and have a lot of memorable moments that I would not change for the world. For the most part though, 2009 has been kind of a dud: failed relationships, broken friendships, and the death of my grandmother. If anything the death of my grandmother has affected me the most. In some weird way, I have become a different person because of it. I do not know if it's for the better or for the worst, but I believe everything happens for a reason. I'm taking this new view on life very seriously, and thus far, I've had great results. It's going to be amazing to go to London in under two weeks. I need to break away from normalcy. Life is getting a tad bit dull.

So my hopes for 2010?
Well I'd like to get more serious about the gym. Not just go and work a sweat for 2 hours and then leave, but actually set down goals. I would also like to improve my personal life. I'd like to work on myself and the relationships I have with people. I have a lot of good relationships going and I want to make sure that stays the way it is. I want to be more involved with my fraternity. I absolutely love everyone in it and I am sad that I will not be seeing such a marvelous group of guys for a while. I'd also want to get an AWESOME internship (still looking at ARTCO) and get started on what I want to do with life after college. Finally, I want to be in a relationship. I think I'm absolutely ready for one and I will actually try for one. Well that's about it on the personal end. I'm making another (well-written) post on music you guys should watch out for next year. Thanks for caring and hope you guys have a marvelous start to the new decade!

Best of the Decade: Final Part

2009-12-29T10:14:00.000-08:00

2008

Songs
10. Can't Have It All - Jay Brannan
9. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
8. Hot N' Cold - Katy Perry
7. Little Bit - Lykke Li
6. Creator - Santigold
5. With Every Heartbeat - Robyn
4. Just Dance - Lady GaGa
3. Paper Planes - M.I.A.
2. Womanizer - Britney Spears
1. Circus - Britney Spears

Albums
5. Youth Novels - Lykke Li
4. Goddamned - Jay Brannan
3. The Fame - Lady Gaga
2. Robyn - Robyn
1. Circus - Britney Spears

2009

Songs
10. Silvia - Miike Snow
9. Bad Romance - Lady GaGa
8. Under the Sheets - Ellie Goulding
7. Remedy - Little Boots
6. Bulletproof - La Roux
5. Tik Tok - Ke$ha
4. The Fear - Lily Allen
3. Keep It Goin' Louder - Major Lazer
2. If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears
1. 3 Little Words - Frankmusik

Albums
10. I Love You - Amanda Blank
9. The Fame Monster - Lady GaGa
8. La Roux - La Roux
7. Mi Plan - Nelly Furtado
6. Rated R - Rihanna
5. Hands - Little Boots
4. Guns Don't Kill People...Lazers Do - Major Lazer
3. Miike Snow - Miike Snow
2. It's Not Me, It's You - Lily Allen
1. Complete Me - Frankmusik

2009 called for a Top 10 album list as well, it just needed it!

Best of the Decade: Pt. 4

2009-12-28T15:16:00.000-08:00

2006

Songs
10. Waiting on the World to Change - John Mayer
9. Say It Right - Nelly Furtado
8. Hurt - Christina Aguilera
7. Fidelity - Regina Spektor
6. Not Ready to Make Nice - Dixie Chicks
5. Black Horse and A Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
4. U + Ur Hand - P!nk
3. My Love - Justin Timberlake
2. Maneater - Nelly Furtado
1. Smile - Lily Allen

Albums
5. Begin to Hope - Regina Spektor
4. FutureSex/LoveSounds - Justin Timberlake
3. I'm Not Dead - P!nk
2. It's Alright, Still - Lily Allen
1. Loose - Nelly Furtado

2007

Songs
10. Innocence - Bjork
9. Stranger - Hilary Duff
8. Do It Well - Jennifer Lopez
7. Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin
6. I Still Remember - Bloc Party
5. Rehab - Amy Winehouse
4. Umbrella - Rihanna
3. Sober - Kelly Clarkson
2. Boyz - M.I.A.
1. Piece of Me - Britney Spears

Albums
5. X - Kylie Minogue
4. Good Girl Gone Bad- Rihanna
3. Life in Cartoon Motion - Mika
2. Kala - M.I.A.
1. Blackout - Britney Spears

The Best of the Decade: Pt. 3

2009-12-27T11:10:00.001-08:00

2004

Songs

10. White Houses - Vanessa Carlton
9. Red Blooded Woman - Kylie Minogue
8. Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
7. Jesus Walks - Kanye West
6. Mr. Brightside - The Killers
5. What You Waiting For? - Gwen Stefani
4. This Love - Maroon 5
3. My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne
2. Galang - M.I.A.
1. Toxic - Britney Spears

Albums
5. Songs About Jane - Maroon 5 (even if it was released in '02)
4. Love. Angel. Music. Baby - Gwen Stefani
3. The College Dropout - Kanye West
2. Ratatat - Ratatat
1. Under My Skin - Avril Lavigne

2005

Songs
10. We Belong Together - Mariah Carey
9. Diamonds from Sierra Leone - Kanye West
8. I Bruise Easily - Natasha Bedingfield
7. La Tortura - Shakira
6. Fix You - Coldplay
5. Geek in the Pink - Jason Mraz
4. Bucky Done Gun - M.I.A.
3. And Then We Kiss - Britney Spears
2. Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson
1. Hung Up - Madonna

Albums
5. Annienal - Annie
4. Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson
3. Mr. A-Z - Jason Mraz
2. Confessions on A Dance Floor - Madonna
1. Arular - M.I.A.

The Best of the Decade: Pt.2

2009-12-11T06:45:00.000-08:00

2002

Songs
10. A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton
9. Don't Let Me, Get Me - P!nk
8. The Scientist - Coldplay
7. Like I Love You - Justin Timberlake
6. Clocks - Coldplay
5. Dirrrty - Christina Aguilera ft. Redman
4. Overprotected (Darkchild Remix) - Britney Spears
3. Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch
2. Hella Good - No Doubt
1. Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne

Albums
5. Be Not Nobody - Vanessa Carlton
4. Let Go - Avril Lavigne
3. Stripped - Christina Aguilera
2. A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay
1. Details - Frou Frou

2003

Songs
10. American Life - Madonna
9. Breathe - Michelle Branch
8. Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
7. The Remedy (I Won't Worry) - Jason Mraz
6. Strict Machine - Goldfrapp
5. Slow - Kylie Minogue
4. Cry Me A River - Justin Timberlake
3. Me Against the Music - Britney Spears ft. Madonna
2. Crazy in Love - Beyonce
1. I'm With You - Avril Lavigne

Albums
5. Black Cherry - Goldfrapp
4.Dangerously in Love - Beyonce
3. Body Language - Kylie Minogue
2. American Life - Madonna
1. In The Zone - Britney Spears

* Frou Frou doesn't have a song in the Top Songs because they didn't officially release it as a US single.

Best of the Decade: Part 1

2009-12-05T08:55:00.000-08:00

So thinking about it making a Top 50 list is damn near impossible, and let's face it I'm not much of music critic. Instead I'm just going to go through each individual year and post my Top 10 songs and Top 5 albums from each year. Be warned, Britney will make multiple appearances.

2000

Songs
10. Ms. Jackson - Outkast
9. On A Night Like This - Kylie Minogue
8. Don't Tell Me - Madonna
7. There You Go - Pink
6. Shit On the Radio (Remember the Days) - Nelly Furtado
5. Say My Name - Destiny's Child
4. Try Again - Aaliyah
3. Bye Bye Bye - NSYNC
2. Oops...I Did It Again - Britney Spears
1. Stronger - Britney Spears

Albums
5. Whoa Nelly!- Nelly Furtado
4. Light Years - Kylie Minogue
3. Music - Madonna
2. No Strings Attached - NSYNC
1. Oops..I Did It Again - Britney Spears

2001

Songs
10. Fallin - Alicia Keys
9. Someone To Call My Lover - Janet Jackson
8. More Than A Woman - Aaliyah
7. Can't Get You Out of My Head - Kylie Minogue
6. Everywhere - Michelle Branch
5. Survivor - Destiny's Child
4. Pop - NSYNC
3. Hey Baby - No Doubt
2. Love Don't Cost A Thing - Jennifer Lopez
1. I'm A Slave 4 U - Britney Spears

Albums
5. J. Lo - Jennifer Lopez
4. Fever - Kylie Minogue
3. Rock Steady - No Doubt
2. Celebrity - NSYNC
1. Britney - Britney Spears

these songs are perfect. just perfect.

2009-11-30T22:06:00.000-08:00

The Best of the Decade Series

2009-11-21T07:45:00.001-08:00

As we enter the final month of the 00's, I think it's appropriate to start compiling the best music of the decade. The 2000s brought about the biggest teen pop explosion ever, the rise of urban music, the demise and rise of pop music, and Britney Spears. So over the next couple of posts I'll be compiling what I think are the best songs and albums of the decade. Keep in mind that I have a very limited and narrow view of music (in some people's eyes) and a wide one (in other people's eyes). I'll be going through the list cumulatively and will make a Top 50. I don't know if I have enough time to make a Top 100. The 2000s is a decade to remember, so take this ride through pop wonderland with me. I'll make it worthwhile.

xoxo

one of the most underrated videos in recent pop history

2009-11-18T23:25:00.000-08:00

This video is simply amazing. Completely her concept (which is the case 90%) of the time. I wonder how the video would've turned out with the original concept for it. Get it Britney!

negligence is a bad thing

2009-11-17T21:40:00.000-08:00

sorry about the m.i.a. status. i've been so busy. frat initiation went smoothly and i'm happy to welcome our three new brothers. i have grown so much more in love with this organization over that last semester it makes me sad that i'm heading abroad next semester. i am still very excited. extremely excited actually. today i had a session with my counselor and i have seen how far i've come. it makes me ecstatic to know what point i am in my life. the future is one big question mark, one that doesn't seem so scary anymore. im not anxious about what is going to happen in the future, for the most part. therapy over the semester has helped tremendously. one of the funny topics that came up today were relationships. my counselor brought up a certain someone i kind of dated over the summer and i think for the first time, in a really long time, i was true to myself. i accepted the fact that i am 100% fully ready for a relationship and willingly wanting one. it's funny because i've been so opposed to the idea for such a long time, and the events of the summer made it temporarily harder for me to accept that.

now let's just work on me not being scared of making myself vulnerable for a goal that could be amazingly rewarding. this isn't the best written blog post, haha, but i guess it's just real in a sense. i do want a relationship and i do want to find a special person. it's been too long and i think i rightfully deserve a bit of pleasure after 5 years of trying to figure out who i am.

hopefully god will reward me with that pleasure sometime soon.

so in music news? new gaga, leona, and rihanna. verdict? All three are good for what they are. Gaga is showing the world that she is the next pop superstar and I love the album. I do think it can get a bit boring after a couple of plays. Leona's album is phenomenal. So many good songs and even a dance track thrown in. The winner though? Rihanna hands down. "The Fame Monster" is very good but it can get repetitive. Rihanna's album on the other hand is extremely unexpected and amazing. The songs are such growers but the emotion and production of the majority of the album is top notch. I fall in love with it more and more. "The Fame Monster" still gets a couple plays though so don't worry.

at the moment though i'll be falling asleep to the angelic voice of imogen heap and ellie goulding. night!

i like

2009-10-25T18:38:00.000-07:00

haven't done music in a bit so let's change that
shall we?
now i'm kind of deficient in new artists as of right now
sorry
so lemme post some of my favorites of the moment
now if you know me well I sometimes strive to like music that strays a bit out of the mainstream
or music that will be mainstream but in a couple months
so this new song i'll be posting is by keri hilson and it's title "i like"
now this will not be released in the US as of now because it's for a german film
it's soooo good though the right mix of r&b and electro and pop
so here's "i like"
and i'll also post a small clip of franmusik' s new material for his second album

"i like"

"Losing Streak" (he's so amazing)

Victory is supreme

2009-10-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

Delta Lambda Phi - Beta Xi WON the Skit + Dance this week!
I'm so proud of every single one of my brothers and I am extremely happy at the progress we've made this semester and over the years! I am completely enamored with the fraternity and I believe that we are in extremely new unprecedented era. This is the closest, I believe, we've been and I am extremely proud. Makes me want to opt to stay next semester just to continue the year with the brothers. Love you all! Here's the skit and dance for all you readers!

we'll be back after this commercial break...

2009-10-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

This week might be the psychological end of me. So I have a meeting tonight at 8:30, followed by rehearsal for Greek Night at MIDNIGHT! Tomorrow I have a group meeting at 10am followed by class at 12:30 followed by work at 2. Then it's time to pick it up and head to Kimmel (NYU building) where I will be from 7pm-11pm for the Skit/Dance. We don't go on till 11 because we are the last ones (although our dance and skit are ridiculously good...stay tuned for results). Then Wednesday I have class at 9:30am but then I have an appointment at 10:45am, so I'm missing class essentially for the first part of the day. Lab at 3pm and then it's off to Coles (another NYU building) for the last night of Greek Night (yes i know it's more than one night). Thursday will be filled with me studying for my Econ midterm on Friday. This weekend will be the Eastern Regional Conference for my fraternity. Yes this is a week's worth of work. The good news? Major Lazer on Saturday and Kylie Minogue on Monday. Ahhhh, the light at the end of the never ending tunnel. So as you wait for me to update you guys on my survival some music? Say hi to Starsmith.

This man right here is Frankmusik's protege. If you know "A Beautiful Mess" well enough you know how much Frank is loved. Now whereas Frank's production style is a lot more frantic, eccentric, almost rave-y, Starsmith is a bit more mellow (but don't count out the rave-y bits out). Starsmith is the main producer behind the beautiful Ms. Ellie Goulding (they called themselves Goldsmith/you heard her last week!). Starsmith has a lot of variation in his sound. He can be very synthy and very pop and he can go into a ballad complete with strings and mellow synths. It's kind of a cross between Imogen Heap production and Frankmusik's production. The only things out there at the moment are his remixes but I cannot wait for his album. In the meantime here's a couple of my favorite remixes.

xoxo

Into the Clouds

2009-10-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

Good early mornin' world. Right now I should be in bed but I'm still up and will probably be up for another hour. Anyways I'm so ready for the weekend. Firstly, Greek Night begins on Saturday so I'm excited for that. I do have a couple of extremely busy days ahead so the next coming nights will be relaxation time. Right now I'm chilling after a good night of relaxation with the roomies. After discussing why my food was horrible yet tasty (cause it was an 11pm dinner) and eating insomnia cookies 2 hours after it was ordered I find my night to be content. Funny how I don't need to drink a ridiculous amount of alcohol in order to have fun. For a while that seemed like the most important thing in the world, to get obliterated that is. Tomorrow is work and then gym time with Scotty. We're going to make it, yes we are. Aside from that not much to report on this front. Maybe my desire to meet more people who are stable and have a good head on their shoulders. It's a refreshing scene after what I've been through recently. OH! Almost forgot. I WILL BE IN LONDONTOWN FROM JANUARY TO MAY! YES I'M GOING ABROAD! I'm so excited!!!! I'm going to leave you with a new music find "The Sound of Arrows".

Like 99% of my music posts this is pure pop music. How pop? Well to start things off these boys are Swedish and if we're pop experts the most amazing pop comes from Sweden. (i need the water they drink) These boys are completely hands on. They produce and write their music, create the artwork, and direct the videos (graphic design in their blood). Their music is absolutely infectious. Somehow they take extreme '80s root and make their music as retro as it is modern. It's kind of like an electronic soliloquy with some synths and strings added. I'll post their lastest (and amazing single) "Into the Clouds". The colors are mesmerizing!

The Sound of Arrows - Into the Clouds (Music video) from The Sound of Arrows on Vimeo.

xoxo

living in the sin is the new thing

2009-09-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

purely music related post coming

So yesterday my favorite diva in the world released her latest single "3" from her upcoming compilation "The Singles Collection". The upcoming compilation will be the third in her decade long career ("B In The Mix", "Greatest Hits: My Prerogative") and is celebrating her decade long career. Yes Britney Spears broke out onto the scene in '98 with her first album being released in '99. Her new single "3" is fantastic! Now being the huge Britney fan that I am it is hard to be objective but it's doable I promise. This song is not up there with her biggest and best ("Toxic", "Piece of Me", "Slave 4 U") but I will contend it's in the Top 10 for me. Firstly this isn't a single meant to promote an album full of new material but an album that compiles her entire career. This song does the perfect job at summarizing her entire career in 3:33 (coincidence?). First, it's controversial. Britney is no stranger to controversy. From her racy break-out video "...Baby One More Time", to her fleshy dancing at the 2000 VMAs, to her iconic lesbian kiss in the 2003 VMAs Britney has learned to use controversy to her advantage. Her newest single deals with a nice subtle subject: a threesome. Second, it's got her entire career in music wrapped up in a nice package. We have the sweet bubblegum pop from her early days, mixed with the sauciness of her "Britney" and "In The Zone" days, mixed with the throbbing electropop in "Blackout", with a bit of the tongue-in-cheek lyrics from "Circus" thrown in. Not only is it a good synopsis of her career but it also sets the tone for the next decade. Where will she end up? With rumors of producers David Guetta, Diplo, Lucas Secon, Bloodshy & Avant, and more joining her for her new album I'm sure she'll be calling the shots in pop for another decade.
Grade: B+

xoxo

welcome back autumn

2009-09-26T17:27:00.000-07:00

the skies darken earlier
the air gets cooler
i'm behind my homework
this can only mean one thing

it is fall

one of my favorite seasons of the year
why?
well its not extremely hot like summer
and not extremely cold like winter
the scene becomes extremely beautiful with a sea of red, orange, and brown
i love wearing layers

so that's an excuse to shop (teehee)

3 weeks into school and can i just say this is the busiest I've ever been?!
vice presidency is no joke this year in the fraternity
especially when greek night is earlier than expected
i've managed to somehow someway work everything out
and needless to say, i'm proud of myself
we have three AMAZING new guys for the fraternity and i'm extremely happy with them
each of them has something different to offer and it makes us even more eclectic
tomorrow we get to pick big and little brothers and i'm crossing my fingers for me to get my first choice

in other news can i just say it's ridiculous how much 3 months can change a person?
hanging out with everyone has made me realize how much we've all grown
sure we still get silly on the weekends and sure we still procrastinate but...

something's different

it's kind of like everything is finally set in motion
no one seems to be lost
no one seems to be in the mist
everything is finally looking clear
looking back at all of my blabbling over the summer over certain situations has made me realize how completely childish is was

i've also come to realize how completely out of character i was all of last year
i've come to NYU with a purpose
and that wasn't to make me the biggest mess possible
it was to make something of myself
to make a name for the sake of my family
my heritage
and my diversity
with this year that goal has been renewed
and you know what?
it feels amazing

and time for something else i haven't done in a while: music!

meet ellie goulding!

this girl is extremely brand new and absolutely brilliant. think of her as the lovechild of bjork and imogen heap with a bit of frankmusik to boot. she has an angelic and orgasmic voice and the production is amazing. she usually works with frankmusik's protege, starsmith. also check out her label's blog which is pretty tight. http://neongoldrecords.blogspot.com/

so i'm going to leave you all with some tunes by this amazing chica and i'll catch you soon!

(produced by frankmusik!)

don't run away from trouble

2009-09-16T23:09:00.000-07:00

cause it wasn't fine

answer to Frankmusik's "Run Away From Trouble": "I ran away from trouble/thinking this was fine".

i'm missing him at the fillmore tonight :(
i don't want pig hilton getting more money than he should though

i have to say one of the best electro ballads I've ever heard. i love this man.

xoxo

back on the grind

2009-09-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

At the end of my first full week back and woah. I don't think I've ever been this busy in my life! It's good though to bury myself back into work and friends. It's an amazing feeling. On a side note, I'm finally 20! Yes I am no longer a teen :(

Throughout these two decades I have seen and learned a lot. I've known deceit, heartbreak, anger, tragedy, sadness, anxiety, and fear to their full extent. Hell I can say life has kicked the shit out of me (with some platanos to boot). I feel like a lot of people in my position would curse life and everything it stands for. I appreciate it a lot more. I appreciate a lot of the moments I have with friends and family. The seemingly giggles over stupid jokes, the nights of extreme belligerence, the nights of just sipping a glass of wine and just talking. In a city like New York it's easy to lose yourself. It's easy to think you're different than anyone and therefore you're better. It's easy to lose the ground you've known for your whole life. I'm at a place where I know who I am. I don't let people influence me like they used to. I'm extremely content with my life at this moment in time.

Although I'm content, I'm not 100% happy. There's something missing from the jigsaw puzzle I am. I don't know if that piece will ever be found but here's hoping it is one day. Finally, I know a lot of people will slap me for this, but I can't help but still wonder about him. I have not had closure and it is hard to get fully over something without it in my case.

With that I'm off to bed. Work at 12pm tomorrow but here's a bit of music. It's some lyrics by Nelly Furtado. It's in spanish so get a dictionary for the slower readers. :D night loves!

Tantos besos pérdidos y maltratados,
sin ninguna explicacien, que pudo ser mejor,
Tantas veces juramos enamorados sería eterno nuestro amor
Que gran desilucion..

run away from trouble?

2009-08-28T20:19:00.000-07:00

This summer has become the summer of selflessness. I put aside anything that really had to do with my personal pleasure in order to help my family. I put aside my biggest desires and wants so I can help my mother through a difficult time. Now I'm make in the city and I feel like I'm being punished for doing this. I've waited a solid good 3 months in order to get this started and now it's hit a complete wall. There's been no communication in the past week and it's driving me crazy. I can't move forward and I can't decide on what to do. How can I? I'm going to be stuck in the present unless I get something. I know we did not wait for 3 months only to let it go. I know feelings are involved. I know the seeds are there for something amazing. I only wish he'd believe in it more and wasn't so cynical about me.

Unlike similar situations though I'm not running away or giving up on this. I've given up and lost so much in my life. I've lost feelings that I will never be able to regain again. I will be damned if it happens again. I've lost too much this summer and I will fight for what I believe in. Cowardice is never an answer.

That was my angry rant over my current situation. Also if anyone I know has had a hand in causing it I will be very pissed off and very disappointed. I've been through so much this summer the fact this is happening is just not fair. I know life isn't fair but for fuck's sake I think the last two months have been enough. I need a turn around quick.

Here's a bit of music though. We all know P!nk as a bad ass chick who can kick any of our asses. The one side of P!nk many of us haven't seen (unless you're a die hard fan) is her soft side. Yes, P!nk has a soft side. How soft? Well her songs have been to closest to move me to tears. So let me share quickly two songs. She's amazing (if you didn't know this already).

my fav:

Its only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breathe before the kiss
And the fear before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

maturity

2009-08-21T17:28:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking intently for the past couple of hours. There comes a point in life where the world seems to differentiate. The things that made you happy before, just don't seem to fulfill you as much as they used to. Living in the huge metropolis of New York, it's easy to get consumed by the city itself. It's easy to lose who you are and what you stand for. It's easy to conform who you are in order to fit in with the seemingly forward crowd.

As I sit in the middle of the East Village listening to revelry beginning on St. Mark's I begin to realize the change I've undergone.

As a college student you're invincible. I mean with the array of sweets in the underground candy shop how could you not. Tired? Have some coke. Unfocused? Try some Aderal. Depressed? Here's the vodka. In our altered state of minds anything is possible. Anything is possible until you're savagely attacked back to reality.

I take this summer as a blessing. Before it, all I really cared about was having a good time. I blacked out so much and frankly did not care about what I was doing. Why should I? I'm 19. That's how life should be. I was the indestructible one. I was Superman. Not only was I Superman but I also turned into a villain. I butted heads with people, I said regrettable things, and I just made all around bad decisions. I ultimately ended up becoming a part of the scene. I ended up conforming myself in order to fit in. The values I held so dearly started to get lost in a haze of hangovers.

I find myself wanting more. I find myself wanting to start the foundations of my career. I find myself wanting to have more than just hookups. I don't want to be another face in a rather synonymous crowd. I don't want to be a part of the illusion. I don't want to be a casualty of this social arms race.

The only thing I want to aim for is reality. All I want to know is concrete and tangible. Cause at the end of drunken nights and coke binges it's all that matters.

The good news? I'm already on the path.

xoxo

P.S. - new music coming on Sunday

the investment

2009-08-19T21:32:00.000-07:00

This isn't financial, professional, nor artistic. It is a bit selfish though. It's always a good thing to take care of yourself. Lately, I haven't been feeling like myself. The smiles seem forced, the laughs are a bit contrived, and my conscious hasn't seen the light of day. I feel on edge about eighty percent of the time and I worry about the smallest things. See we all aren't perfect and I am no exception. Behind the smiles, the jokes, the laughs, and the optimism there's a flawed core. Tomorrow I'm heading into my first psychotherapy session in order to deal with stress and anxiety issues. Now I made that sound extremely dramatic and grandiose. It is not that big of an issue, I just want to have it dealt with before I go back to school and fully immerse myself back into my life.

Life slapped me extremely hard in the face this summer. I've learned a lot this summer and I've lost quite a bit as well, both physically and emotionally. Now I've come to a point where I need to successfully incorporate these lessons into the framework. Let's hope I do so and come out of class with an A+ and a shot of vodka to boot.

As the time slowly creeps to 3am and the busy streets get quieter outside, I'm optimistic. The next semester is full of exciting new ventures that I cannot wait to tackle. I'm also a bit apprehensive. My stomach curls at the idea of moving forward (might just be cause I'm hungry though). It's a frightening venture I must say, life that is. I was afraid of the dark at one point also, but now I revel in it. I think I'm going to be fine here...even if a nightlight is always welcome.

*end of emo post*

xoxo

p.s. - this posts makes my sitch sound a lot worse than it is. jsyk.

the biggest hurdle

2009-08-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

So I've been dealing with a major issue at home lately, that being I don't want to be home. I've also come to the realization that I am a hypochondriac. Like a headache = a brain tumor and a weird feeling in my leg = impending stroke. Yes, that's how bad I am, so in hind sight not going with premed was probably one of the best decisions I have made. I am suffering from like this really weird sinus headache I'm guessing cause the cold pills are doing the trick.

The mind is a fickle thing.

Yea I know random, but hear me out.

Our brains are one of the most difficult parts of the human body one could dissect and completely understand. I mean think about how much is stored into our minds. Think of how your brain holds every single embarrassing, delightful, and fearful thought you've ever had. Yet no matter how unique our thoughts are, we all have the same brain. Sometimes our brains make us think we are invincible only to show us, in some fashion, it can be our master. See, lately I've been dealing with issues I haven't dealt with since I was younger (hypochondria for example). It's weird because I thought I had gotten all over that. Then there's the passing of my grandmother last month (it was a month two days ago).

I barely showed any outward emotion, if anything I just bottled it up. Yet, ironically, two days ago, I realized the actual impact of her death. I've become so fearful of the future because I know I'll be getting older. I'm scared of everything that getting older does to you, and her passing has really reinforced that fear. Also it's made me my hypochondria crazy strong. I'll save the rest of my emotions for a future scholarship essay though.

Also I need to get back into the routine of things and head back to new york.

my sister is a cunt.

also musical recommendation time! i'm going to introduce you guys to Ke$ha (who I just recently learned is pronounced Keh-sha like Ketchup).

She's RCA's next muse and is showing all indications of blowing up when her single hits the radio. (It kind of reminds me of Lady Gaga before she blew up actually). You actually might have already heard her (she was the female voice in Flo Rida's "Right Round"). Ke$ha is a sassy girl (think Uffie) who sings abouts partying, partying, and oh more partying. It's all so much fun though, and I'm sure she'll end up being a guilty pleasure. So just so you guys stay ahead of the curve he's a couple of songs by her! till next time!

epic

2009-08-02T20:59:00.000-07:00

xoxo

my love letter to new york

2009-07-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

it is officially august 1st meaning
this is my last month of teenhood! yes in a month's time yours truly will be twenty years old!
weirdweirdweirdweird to say the least
onto different and bigger things i guess and with that let's recap my week at home shall we?

boring. my itch and need for the city grows intensely more and more each day. my love affair for the city is probably one of the most torturous things in my life. an enjoyable kind of torture though. it's torture in the way that i really cannot view any aspect of life without viewing it through the eyes of a boy who is in tune with the city. see a lot of people go to new york for different needs. whether it be for professional, artificial, or personal enrichment everyone is in the city for a specific reason. see i view new york in a kind of romantic way. for me its a place where mystery, intrigue, chaos, and love are all composed together and embedded into the backbones of steel and concrete. new york is not just a place, its an energy. every time i come back to the city and i see the skyline right before i enter the lincoln tunnel i know that i'm finally back home. i mean what more can you ask from a queens boy?!

aside from the city i'm excited to get back to my friends, work, my life basically.

not to mention i'm also really excited to finally get this thing started. i would've never thought i would've missed the smell of cigs and really good hair shampoo as much as I do. it's amazing how much the little things matter.

also here's my mid-year resolution:

“Oh, how I wish you wouldn’t worry so. There’s hope in every breath. But when fear infects the bones, I’m told, the heart is always next”

to stop worrying so damn much!

till next time.
xoxo

p.s. - i love franmusik's new album to death! best debut i've heard in a realllllyyyyy long time! props mate!

this song is too perfect for words

2009-07-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

it's a glimpse into my thoughts. the lyrics are so spot on it's scary (except for the "love" part...that's getting ahead of ourselves). the confusion and the whole feeling of it is spot on.

had to post this

2009-07-25T15:29:00.000-07:00

hahahahaha
xoxo

Time can mend, but it doesn't make you forget

2009-07-24T15:11:00.000-07:00

by Nicolas Evariste

Hey chickens! I'm back in PA for the last leg of the summer and I'm excited for it to speed through. I have so much waiting for me in the city and I can't contain myself. Work, school, and perhaps something more. Actually a lot more. You see here at Beautiful Mess, love is more of a myth than anything. Lawd knows the trials I've been through thanks to "love". Thanks to that I've grown to be very much a cynic of it. This may all be changing soon. I've met someone who might just turn this heart warm again. Of course, I'm proceeding with caution (as is the person in question), but the progress thus far has been very, very enthralling

It's very refreshing to feel this part of life after burying it for so long. The only problem is that this new found intrigue is coupled with the fear of the past. A broken heart is one of the hardest things to mend. Once someone has opened up that much only to have it shattered in the end; well let's just say it needs to pried open for another go. Still I'm more than ready to do so. Also the feeling of being with someone is such a high. (Not to mention this person in question, is pretty damn amazing.

Anyways enough of that let's do a bit of music recommendations! This week we're gonna crossover pop with hip-hop a bit. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you Mr Hudson.

Mr Hudson is considered to be Kanye's project. The difference is he's more of a pop act. Only a couple of track have leaked online but they are very promising. From the hard hitting beats of "Straight No Chaser" to the airy yet heavy instrumental of "Supernova" Mr Hudson promises to have a couple of tricks up his sleeve. Plus it doesn't hurt to have Kanye on your side. So here's "Supernova" and "Straight No Chaser" for you guys and I'll leave you at that. Enjoy!

MR HUDSON [FEAT KANYE WEST] - SUPERNOVA from MrHudson on Vimeo.

xoxo

new era

2009-07-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

wow, that's all i have to say about the last week, well not really. let's just say it's been an emotional rollercoaster at casa de lipe. things are getting back to normal though. the dog barks at every moving being, me and my sister's base are our bedrooms again, and mami is making jokes and laughing again. this week has taught me life is hard and to value life as a whole. so from now on i'm looking at life through different eyes. Now onto better postings:

So I saw the 6th installment of the Harry Potter saga and all I have to say is BRILLIANT! OMG, the best film in the series thus far! I love love loved a lot of it. It was so intense, the acting all around was really good, and can I say the best looking Potter film ever made?! Every shot was outstanding! The storyline was great and it stayed true to the book even with the deleted sections and added parts. It was my favorite film of the year thus far and I'm sure it'll stay there.

In more personal news, I am heading to New York tomorrow and staying till Thursday!!! I love the city so so so so so much and I can't wait to be back! One of the main reasons I'm going to New York is because I have a very important interview on Wednesday with ARTCO for a fall internship. ARTCO is a branding company that works with huge companies and artists to create innovative means of marketing or creating products. I love the place already based off that! If I get chosen (I'm so pumped!) I get to do mailings, callings, and research art galleries, architecture, basically pop culture. I am also uber excited about this place because the founder is Cary Leitzes who was the director of photograhy of Harper's Bazaar from 1999 to 2005 aka she's flipping AMAZING! She is also an NYU graduate! So wish me good luck chickens, if I get this it'll be a huge break! Also I'm on my own personal little mission but that's for me to know and for you to find out when I've had one too many gin and tonics. :)

Finally, it's time for my music recommendation of the week! Let me introduce you to Dan Black.
Dan Black is a Brit who is based in Paris, France. As many of you should know, I am a sucker for electro-pop. Dan Black mixes a lot of elements in his songs that all blend together perfectly. It's perfect for the summer. A good thing about Dan is the fact that his songs don't all sound the same. He can go from sampling some of the biggest songs of the decade, to putting in amazing synths for a nice dance number, to pulling out R&B skills to make slick ear candy. I think he's very good and you know my suggestions aren't bull. So take a listen to his song "Symphonies" (you'll hear a familiar sample or two) and "Alone". Till next time!

xoxo

sabroso!

2009-07-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

It's been a hard week for this blogger. My grandmother sadly passed away on Monday. Monday afternoon was probably one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life. My grandmother, I have to say is one of the biggest inspirations in my life. For what I can remember a lot of my life has been filled with women. My dad is always out making sure we stayed afloat financially, and it's been that way since I was small. I've grown knowing strong women due to this and all of these women have been directly impacted by my grandmother. When my grandmother was younger she'd do anything in her power to make sure all 10 of her children were taken care of. She worked for other families and picked up jobs, that frankly people would not take. Not only did she provide for her family but she also took in complete strangers and raised them as if they were her own children. She was a kind, amazing, and poised woman. I credit her for making my mother who she is today. My mother is a tough cookie. She's the man of the household and holds us together. Like my grandmother, she takes care of us to the fullest extent she can. She also makes sure those around her are taken care of. There have been countless times where I remember my mother taking care of elderly people who have no immediate families left. My mother made herself their family until it was their time to depart the earth.

The strongest I've seen my grandmother has been the past two years though. She suffered a major stroke around the time of my sister's 15th birthday. Since then she's been at my home being taken care of my mother. My mother never showed despair, weakness, or sadness through those two years. My grandmother also held on for as long as she could. She suffered another major stroke in April which put her in a coma. She, thankfully, came out of it, but in doing so she initiate the final timer. She was in hospice care ever since then. Through those painful years she never once cursed anyone or anything. She was thankful for everything. I would always ask her how she felt and she'd always say "I'm feeling better". She believed firmly in Christianity and I am certain that she is somewhere in heaven along God's side. I was fortunate enough to say goodbye to her before she finally departed. It's been hard on my mother this week though. This is the weakest I've ever seen her, but I know that she'll rebound and be stronger than ever.

So, thanks to the 21st Century, I guess I'm saying my final good-bye to her here. I really did not do this for others to see, rather just to put it on an outlet. Abuela thank you for everything you've done for our family. Not only have you shown us how to be kind-hearted and accepting human beings you also showed us how to be strong. You showed us how to persevere no matter what came our way. You braved through so many storms and made it out in one piece all the time. You taught my mother everything she knows and you taught her character. I also ultimately believe that because of you my mother has reconciled so many of her beliefs to accept who I am. So Bebela I thank you because you have been a vital part of my life, consciously and subconsciously. Thank you for everything you've taught me and I'll see you again in another life.

who'd have known

2009-07-02T19:28:00.000-07:00

i was out in nyc for pride but now i'm back in pa for a bit. anyways let's talk a bit personal before we go on to music shall we? Firstly, Pride was a lot of fun! I finally got to go out with everyone and I had a great time! Free drinks and food, I mean who can argue with that?! I also think I have a date coming up, like the first date since high school so this is a big deal. it's funny cause i really don't go after guys like this but i like him a lot. i've always said i don't have particular type and i just go with my gut (which needs to stop growing) feeling. i feel really good about this. the only issue is that i'm scared cause we'll i'm a bit rusty. i hope i don't fuck up or anything, haha, i'm so self-conscious with my actions around people i like. anyways i'll have my date upon my arrival to nyc in about two weeks? (literally just confirmed as i typed this. the world wide web huh?) anyways i'm UBER excited! OH and i get my new specx tomorrow! finally.

anyways onto the music. this week my recommendation will be the group known as miike snow. now here's a bit of background on miike snow. 2/3 of the group are very popular....behind the scenes. that's cause 2/3 of the group is super producer duo Bloodshy & Avant (Britney, Kylie, Madonna)! Now they've teamed up with their friend A. Wyatt and have created a sound that's nothing like their major hits. it is quite electronic but think of that mixed with the sounds of Vampire Weekend. I love it. It's my complete slow summer jam album. It has the electro sounds i love mixed with slow going songs and subtle beats. I'll post two songs and a remix to wet your appetite. oh also their sign is a jackalope (jack rabbit with antelope antlers) what's NOT to love?!

till the ciaoooo

xoxo

introducing: major lazer

2009-06-23T17:30:00.000-07:00

sorry i had a bit of plane trouble on sunday and couldn't post anything new. (i missed my flight thanks to liquor) i've also been having fun with my friend in san fran and have finally found time to blog for you guys. right before i left i downloaded an album i completely forgot about until it leaked. now i like producers and musical productions a lot, especially the sonic type. now two of my favorites are diplo and switch. Diplo and Switch has been responsible for the co-production of a lot of M.I.A.'s noteable singles (Switch = Boyz/Diplo=Paper Planes). They have teamed up and gone back to their jamaican dancehall roots (yep you heard that right...i do listen to some of it and i mean the mixtape diplo and M.I.A. made before she got semi-big). Anyways the name of the collabo is Major Lazer and the album is fantastic. It has a lot of sick beats (good party music for you hipsters) and some surprisingly mainstream songs. So let me give you a taste of these bad boys and tell me what you think. You already know what I think.

TRIP!

2009-06-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

I'll be on a flight to San Francisco at 6am tomorrow morning and reuniting with Dave. It should be fun. Don't worry though I haven't forgotten the series and the next installment should be up tomorrow. Till then wish me a good trip to New York tonight and San Fran tomorrow.
:)

new nelly furtado

2009-06-16T15:50:00.000-07:00

i've loved this girl since "Oh, Nelly!" and am excited about the new clip of her first single for her spanish album. i hear an english one might be out in the near future, so stay tuned. Here's a short clip of the single "Manos Al Aire" (Hands Up/To the Sky for you illiterate bunch)

omg

2009-06-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

i am SO excited about my post next week, for the series that is. i just can't think of what to show you guys though!i have too much! well here's in anticipation.

i'm gonna try a little series

2009-06-14T19:55:00.001-07:00

over the past couple of years i've discovered a lot of new artists and songs. some of them end up being the next best thing and some of them end up being a bust. still the music stands. i've also noticed that a lot of my friends seem to like a lot of the new music that i find and end up putting it into their libraries. so every week i'll introduce you lovely readers to a new song or artist, generally one that i've been very intrigued by or one that i've been jamming to for a while but haven't really let out of my clutches. this week

i'll start with a song that i basically heard a couple days ago. it's called "armed with love" by luigi masi. its an amazingly mouth watering mixture of pop, r&b, electro, with a bit of guitar. although it's a clash of all that, i would define it as pop. why? because it is absolutely infectious. so here it is and i hope you enjoy. also a little feedback plz? :D ciao!

xoxo

I'm joining the circus....again!

2009-06-10T07:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, yes! I joined the circus March 13th and will joining it again at the end of August. Britney "Goddess" Spears has announced a 2nd U.S. leg and has promised a revamped show! I am planning to head to NYC for one (or both) of the Madison Sqaure Garden dates! If you already know me you know I am quite the Britney fanatic. I personally think she's amazing and an inspiration. To go from where she was 2 years ago to where she is now is, frankly, a miracle. She has worked her ass of to get where she is now, and it's been recognized.
You know no matter how much she may get knocked down (or me for being a fan) I'm proud of her. She's having the best time and success (this tour is on track to being the highest grossing tour of her career). I mean what more can you ask for from the #1 Female Artist of the Decade (yes, that's an official brand).
She is KILLING it in London. I thought that my show was amazing, but she is phenomenal right now! It's like 2001 all over again! I cannot wait to see the revamped Circus, it's going to be amazing, as always. Here's a couple of pics and a video from my last experience and a video of her flawlessness in London. Hope everyone is having a safe summer thus far! Ciao chickens!

p.s. - anyone want to get me ringside center seats as a bday present? :D

new glasses soon

2009-06-08T21:30:00.001-07:00

so it might be kinda geeky for me to get excited over this but IM GETTING NEW FRAME ON FRIDAY! no matter what anyone tells me glasses = fashion. it enhances and kind of helps make me who i am. anyways i've been doing some research online and have come up with a couple of frames. now i probably won't get the exact same frame (deigner-wise) but the style will be identical or really similar.

that's a lot i know, but i am also quite taken by the ray ban wayfarers, but optical ones! anyways thats it for now let me leave you chickens with a bit of nostalgia. ciao.

and last but not least

yes when groups like TLC sang the theme song, ok i'm done

xoxo

actually

2009-06-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

30 minutes of cardio tops
:)

happy pride month!

2009-06-07T17:04:00.000-07:00

so it's finally june and i'm so excited! in two weeks i'll be off to san francisco and destroying the west coast and in three i'll be in nyc for

NYC PRIDE! It's so much fun although I think I might want to be in the crowd this year, but that's pending. I'm so excited for all this. Also tomorrow begins my "lose home gut" routine, which is really just running for like 4 miles or so everyday. (im serious)

i'm also in need of a haircut. i think i'll do something like this:

i've gotten a lot of approvals so i'm excited. lastly i've been thinking of the future a bit and I think i'm going to do a bit more school although not regular university. more like something like this:
the more i think about it the more i think i want to get some formal training in graphic design work. of course this is pending a lot of things but I would love to do I think, it's a shame i didn't think of it sooner. I also want to study OUT of the states so well see. that's about it kiddies. check out my graphic design blog to look at some new works and i'll leave you with this. it never gets old.

xoxo

right under my nose

2009-05-31T22:36:00.000-07:00

(circa 1960)
Reading, Pennsylvania. This is my current hometown, and you can say I am not so fond of it. I mean leaving the big city was a relief to a 13 yr old but after truly experiencing it does not compare. I do believe, though, that amidst all the issues the city has (drugs, violence) it is a hot bed of future leaders, artists, and innovators; if the tools are presented to them (like they did to me). This has been confirmed today when I found out one of my favorite artists was born here and raised in Berks County! This is none other than:

I find this man extraordinary for so many reasons. The selfish, stereotypical, narcissistic, and frankly gay part of me loves him for the lifestyle he lived in the '80s. He lived the quintessential New York scene, before the New York scene came to its modern day definition. On a much bigger level though he did what a lot of people take for granted sometimes. He used art to channel his feelings, he used it to materialize his thoughts. He also did this in a simple manner. Simplicity is all he used to deliver very powerful messages to the public. Powerful political, social, and personal messages. His art made loud statements on issues like apartheid, AIDS, and the crack outbreak in the US. His art also embodied the culture that has manifested in our community within the last couple of decades. It was also this commercial greed that ultimately contributed to his death. He died in 1990 of HIV, thanks to the long-term government ignorance of the issue.

All the above artwork was created after his diagnosis and a clear example of why I admire this man so much. He strives for something greater than what we all were.

I sadly can't find anyone high profile of doing a similar job or trying to raise such awareness. Maybe we're too buried in our own selfishness to realize the bigger issues, but it's about time we opened our eyes. This man did and by doing so he was part of a collective and influential group, one that raised much needed awareness and kick started a movement. My hats off to you Keith. Without visionaries like you, I don't know where our world would be.

I'm finally going to leave you guys with one of my favorite sights in NYC. I saw this every time I hopped onto my bus to go back home last semester and it never failed to brighten my day. It's a commemorative mural to the man himself, marking his would be 50th birthday.

xoxo

the english channel must be filled with diamonds/gold/rubies etc.

2009-05-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

so after months of hearing about her i saw little boot's video of "new in town" last night and i'm hooked.

her album preview sounds incredible and I can't wait to hear it! another brit i absolutely love (and knew about before perez whored him out)

FRANK! godddd i love him! and yes in case you didn't know i'm a huge power pop/synth pop/electro pop music fan! with that one more video from la roux, who are pretty hot in the UK right now

i usually don't like giving out my music like that so feel priviliged. and also just to throw out my britney shouout. can't wait for the "radar" video, its the first time in seven years she's releasing a music video for a fourth single!

till next time

xoxo

sweet dreams

2009-05-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

ohh what i'd give to find that person. the CA ruling today was sad and really just annoying. i hope ny does the right thing and go for the marriage bill. i would love to see my home state be progressive and supportive. i mean it IS the northeast. how liberal (perfect) can you get? anyways it made me think about those "fantasy" men i would want to call mine, so lets go through a few shall we?

i think the next one takes the cake though.

xoxo

bang bang

2009-05-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

hey sorry for neglecting the space for a bit, kinda slow in life right. anyways i have some good news! I will be in NYC on the 20th of June for a couple of hours, i'm gonna be in the city until I have to get a cab to JFK at like 3am for my flight leaving to:

the only bad thing is my flight leaves at like 6am but whatever more time to enjoy. also i plan on hopefully being with a couple of friends and drinking a bit so i can pass the fuck out on that plane ride haha. i'm heading to san francisco with my favorite british gay boy ever dave tester. i love that boy and i'm going to miss him dearly when he departs for good at the end of july. anyways i'm SO excited for this trip. i have nothing but fun with dave and good times are guaranteed. anyways, more good news. we get back at like 1am friday (these times severely suck) but i'll be in the city for the weekend, PRIDE weekend nonetheless. ahhhh! i'm so excited. not to mention it'll be Pride week in San Fran when I'm there so I'm just being a good homosexual this summer and enjoying the joy! more good news also! my parents have agreed to let me erlive in nyc for a month this summer! soooo four more weeks in nyc! im sooo excited you have no idea.

something else i'm excited about is occuring in about a year and it's STUDY ABROAD! now don't get me wrong, I LOVE nyc with all my heart but I have the opportunity to go abroad and I'm running with it. I cannot wait till I live in this city:

LONDONTOWN! AHHH! It's gonna be such a new experience and I know a couple of my girls will be there so it shall be a good time! also i have this whole new network of friends in the UK, thanks to Dave, so assimilating will not be hard (hopefully). After watching "Love Actually" though I wish I were in London in time for Christmas! It looks divine. Anyways that's it for now. I'm gonna head out and watch a sappy gay romantic movie or something like that. Hope you guy are having a safe holiday weekend!

xoxo

confusion boy

2009-05-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

hi chickens and welcome to another installment of a beautiful mess. today i woke up to yet another dark day only to realize that the curtain on my window is extremely thick and blocks out any sunlight at all. so i need to tell mom to change that ASAP. i also woke up being mesmerized by frankmusik's new edit of "confusion girl". granted it was only 30 secs and extremely low quality but it's amazing! god i love him, he needs to cross the pond sometime soon. also did anyone catch "glee" last night? it was so good. what was even better were the songs! omg i've had "dont stop believing" and "rehab" on repeat since last night! THEY'RE SO GOOD! The show looks really promising also. Does anyone else also not give shit about American Idol?! I frankly do not care if someone in the top 2 was gay, and I don't care if he lost. It's not some secret vendetta against homos, people just liked the other guy better. get over it.

today is also another fail on my part with working out. i've been doing push-ups and over 100 crunches everyday but nothing beats the gym. i need to go to one soon. like now. so hopefully dad will pay for a month and i can get that out of the way. i mean it's gold's gym, it wont be that expensive. it also is like down the road. i need to stop being lazy also. i cannot be lazy, it doesn't work for me. i need to be DOING something you know? i had a random thought enter my head today, or more like random thoughts, but we'll narrow it down. men.

what's up with them? why do we put so much of our happiness on men? why can't we just be strong and independent and just get a man when the time is right? i'll tell you why. we want to feel loved or liked. i mean come on think about it. how long did we go through our lives feeling repressed and unloved? how long did we go about questioning the world around us and their acceptance with us? i mean all of this contributed with whatever experience a single person had, i believe, contributes to how much we have that need to be with someone. also it's nice. i mean hell who wouldn't want to have someone you could call and just talk to about everything (without annoying them i mean i know our friends love us but...). Who wouldn't want someone to wake up to every morning? Who wouldn't want to care about someone as much they do themselves? again really random thought but really i don't think it should be so looked down upon, the want to be with someone. i don't think one should feel guilty if they wanted to be with someone. it isn't something sinful to feel something that is simply natural. i think it's perfectly healthy to feel and want something that we all deserve. now the judging goes into psychotic means of obtaining this (no no no).

final note: i need some liquor, and some boys (to go out and party with). PA you're not steeping up to the plate. disappointed. anyways let me leave with some pics of men which i find beautiful but not in the way you'd think. until next time ciao

xoxo

P.S.: for the past couple of days i've been feeling like i didn't take the right path in my life, career wise, i guess i'll rant on that in my next blog post.

where art thou?

2009-05-18T19:45:00.000-07:00

so i guess it'll be almost a week that i'm home (i know, i know) and i can safely say i am slowly turning into a fatass. i think all i do is eateateat. n'est pas bien (not sure if that's correct my french is a bit rusty). i woke up ate fruit loops, then ate i think a third of the wheat thins box, then dinner, then yogurt, then poptarts. UGH! wtf. this is coming from someone who right before finals went to the gym religiously. i have been planning to work out with a friend but that's not really working out. so im gonna go for a run tomorrow and hit up the golds thats nearby and see how much it'll cost for a month. aside from eating i've been very graphic oriented (no not in that sense). i've been macroing and photoshopping like it's my job (should it be though?). i think i'm coming up with pretty kickass stuff but im gonna change up my style soon, see where i can venture off to.
in other news, nothing haha. i have absolutely no social life here it's kinda depressing. i also think my body is going through some weird withdrawal from new york and i'm serious (seriously). i uncontrollably act up and go crazy and sometimes i act drunk. i guess that's cause i'm missing these like whoa:

yes i am missing these boys like WHOA WHOA. not as much as my nyc boys and girls who make the consummation of these worthwhile. so what have we discussed where art thou gym, social life, and liquor. spot on. SPOT FUCKING ON.

i guess the last bit i want to spew onto you guys is where art thou love life?! like seriously it's been a good 5 years, 5 years! (sorry i keep saying things twice) one of the things i'm am most pissed off about and sad about in leaving the city is that there was the START of something already happening. then i had to leave. blahblugbleurgh! good news with that is that its not dead...just stalled with this whole distance thing. i do wonder at times if he's alive though, like legit. is he? ahaha. this is just a random though process (no but is he really?) i do have to say though i think that during those 5 years i have been able to grow. i don't think without me learning lessons on my own and from people around me i could not have really matured. i feel like being single for such a long time has helped me know exactly what i want, and basically extract all the bullshit that goes into the whole gay scene. in others words, i know what i want and i really don't need anyone to sway me on those principles. i don't know if i'm making any sense since i'm getting all "catcher in the rye" with you guys (love that book). but yea i know what i want, i know what i like, and i need to get back to nyc and resume that pronto.

hmmm i guess the final thing is just a internship search for new york. i still need to discuss (more like tell) my parents that i want to move back early, but i think if i do something that'll help my career it would be very helpful and probably shut my parents up quicker. unfortunately christie's is all booked but i'm sending out resumes and cover letters to a couple perspective places. i guess i'll end on a musical note, cause you know how i loveeeee mi musica. i'm just gonna share, probably one of my favorite lyrics of all time (actually the name of this blog is the song's name). it's jason mraz' "a beautiful mess". ok more like a line and verse haha here goes:

And what a beautiful mess this/ it's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes/ and through timeless words and priceless pictures/ we'll fly like birds but not of this earth/ and tides they turn and hearts disfigure/ but that's no concern when we're wounded together/ and we tore our dresses and stained our shirts/ but it's nice today, oh, the wait was so worth it

ciao chickens!

xoxo

on a night like this

2009-05-17T16:33:00.001-07:00

now some of you know i already have a blog going (dimmingstreetlights.tumblr.com), but lately i've decided that i need another outlet to let personal stuff go and to just rant. THE LORD KNOWS that I bottle up a lot of things up a lot o the time.....sooooo TADA! Wordpress is too much shit for me to figure out just so I can rant so here I am. I'm working on the layout but I got the header pretty done, so happy bout that! (cheeccckkk it!)

so first off, hey boys and girls! my name is eddie and i'm sure you'll come to love my very undefined and crazy mind. I assure you though the emo will be kept at a minimum and the happy will be at an all time high. just for you chickens. so currently i am addicted to kylie's "on a night like this" (hence the title, clever no?) it is summer vacation and I for one canNOT wait to get the hell out of here. soooo i guess here's rant number #1 (i promise it's pretty important so read on por favor):

if you're a good friend you pretty much know the disdain I have for this wretched state and my home life in general. so let's get real. i fucking hate it. surprising no? i've been trying to rationalize this for the past couple of days. rationalize why is it that i hate it so much, and i have FINALLY found my answer! (ding!) when i moved to new york i acquired this sense of freedom. i am able to be who i am without any restrictions. i think a lot of people around me take advantage of that because their situation is not as bleak as mine (mariah carey anyone?) but seriously. over all the friends i've met and had at nyu (my school in case you didn't know) i've noticed one thing. basically how open and liberal most of my friend's families are. they are so well accomadated with their sexuality. then there's me. my parents are pentecostal christians (crazy alert crazy alert). i just came out last year and even though they know, home is a sort of repression. as i talked to paddy (my ex big bro..oh yea im a frat boy woo!) i came up with probably one of the best things i've come up with all year. everytime i come home i am (ready?) thrown into a half-open closet (bing bang gone). why half open? well my mom and dad and sister know aside from that? no one does. so it's like HI family, oooo and you're asking me that awkward girlfriend question again (no i do not want to procreate with a vag especially 5 mothafucking kids). it's not just the petty girlfriend question it's everything. how on earth do you expect someone to just revoke their freedom consciously? you cannot! you CANNOT! so here i am at home suppressed in this shitty boring state with my never understanding family and it sucks. (now i promised emo at minimum but im kinda frustrated rain check?...also now i'm onto red blooded woman). there's a lot more i want to say but i'll save that for my point foundation application (;D) anyways now that i consciously know this i want to tell my nyc peeps eddie is making an EARLY return to the city. i really don't need to get an internship but it would be most helpful (i mean i have a job waiting basically). how early? i think i want to move back in july, the only problem would be housing and all but hopefully i get help in that department (please?). ok well that's the first post (eventful no?). let me shamelessly plug my graphic design work (dimmingstreetlights.tumblr.com). and i'll let you guys with a most EXQUISITE video of the lovely ms. kylie minogue (i push you and beg you to watch the "x" and "showgirl" tours and the "white diamond" documentary! BEG YOU!). eso es todo ciao chickens! (just double click the vids idk why it's acting like that)